Self-Allyship for Women in Male-Dominated Industries: Why You Need to Trust Yourself First
The Truth About Confidence in Male-Dominated Workplaces
“How can men support women in male-dominated industries?”
That was the question I was asked during a recent panel discussion with almost 100 people in the audience.
I think my answer shocked the room:
“I don’t believe in needing men to shift or change for us to be comfortable.”
The data backs it up.
According to McKinsey’s 2023 Women in the Workplace report:
Women in male-dominated industries are 1.5x more likely to have their judgment questioned
2.1x more likely to have their ideas credited to someone else
And when they speak up? 2.3x more likely to be labeled “difficult” or “aggressive”
This isn’t about rejecting allies. It’s about something deeper—something I call self-allyship.
What Is Self-Allyship?
Self-allyship means having your own back.
It’s when you stop waiting to be picked, praised, or approved—and start honoring your own voice, strength, and worth.
It’s not about isolation.
It’s about liberation.
We’ve been conditioned to:
Look for direction from others
Seek external validation
Twist ourselves to make others comfortable
Wait for permission to take up space
But here’s what I know for sure:
When I rely on others for validation, I give away my power.
The Breaking Point: Why Seeking Approval Is Exhausting
I spent years trying to prove I belonged—lifting 80-pound jackhammers, carrying concrete bags, working harder than necessary just to hear, “You belong here.”
And still… they never said it.
Instead, I was left with:
Arthritis in my spine
A shoulder injury
Deep frustration for ignoring my own body and voice
Pieces of myself I had torn away to fit into spaces that never fully welcomed me
Sound familiar?
The Shift: From External Validation to Internal Trust
Everything changed the day I stopped waiting for permission.
In a recent workplace interaction, a male manager spoke to me in a dismissive tone—right in front of someone else. I didn’t shrink. I didn’t wait for someone to speak up for me.
I said calmly but firmly:
“I don’t like that. Don’t speak to me like that. You’re being disrespectful.”
He had nothing to say.
And that silence?
That was me taking back my power.
Why This Matters: The Cost of Not Trusting Yourself
Society has taught us that we need others to:
Make us feel safe
Approve our decisions (especially financial ones)
Invite us into conversations
Include us in spaces we’ve already earned the right to be in
The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics shows women make up:
Only 7.5% of construction workers
9.9% in the logging industry
8.4% of airline pilots
24% in STEM roles
27% in manufacturing
And women leave these industries at rates 45% higher than men.
Not because we can’t do the work.
But because of what it costs us internally.
Your Body Remembers
This kind of conditioning shows up in the body:
Tight chest
That sinking pit-in-your-stomach
Shallow breath
Rounded shoulders
Constantly scanning the room, waiting for cues
But when we trust ourselves?
Our breath deepens
We stand taller
We speak clearer
We feel stronger, bolder, more ourselves
Self-Care vs. Self-Love
Self-care is bubble baths, massages, and me-time.
Self-love is truth-telling, boundary-setting, and trusting yourself first.
As Bell Hooks wrote in All About Love:
“There can be no love without justice.”
When we love ourselves, we stop waiting for others to declare us worthy.
Real Stories: The Power of Self-Allyship in Action
The Fashion Industry Executive
One of my clients in fashion told me she’d often share personal stories—about her husband, her family—just to make the men at work more comfortable with her presence.
She was giving away pieces of herself to earn their trust.
But she already belonged.
That moment she realized she didn’t need to make them feel at ease by over-sharing?
That was the start of her transformation.
The Beverage Distribution Professional
Another woman I coached was in alcohol distribution.
She was always angry, always in defense mode—because she felt excluded. She assumed the men were intentionally shutting her out.
But when she reframed it and reclaimed her energy, she stopped trying to read between lines that weren’t meant for her.
She got her peace back. And with it, her power.
Try This Today: Your Self-Allyship Check-In
Reflection Questions:
Where in your life are you waiting for someone else to validate you?
Who have you handed the power to decide your worth?
What would change if you chose to trust yourself first?
What are you hoping others will say—that you could say to yourself?
Body Awareness:
Where do you feel tension when you’re seeking approval?
How does your breath change when you speak your truth?
What shifts in your posture when you decide to trust yourself?
Your body always tells the truth—even when your mind is clouded by conditioning.
A study in Harvard Business Review found that women who practiced self-affirmation before entering high-pressure environments showed a 33% increase in performance and a 27% drop in anxiety.
The Power of Standing Alone
When I stood up and spoke my truth at that panel, I didn’t need applause.
I stood tall.
I stood rooted.
And I felt good.
Because self-allyship doesn’t mean going it alone—it means moving forward from wholeness.
We can have love, support, and community.
But we don’t need it to feel worthy.
Remember This
I don’t need to be chosen.
I see myself.
And I want that for you too.
Coming Next: Part 2 – Self-Allyship vs. External Allyship
In my next solo episode, I’ll share a real moment from a live speaking event where my belief in self-allyship was challenged by a woman in the audience.
She doubled down on the importance of external allies. And while I respected her voice, I didn’t back down from mine.
Because here’s what I know:
If we don’t trust ourselves first, no amount of outside support will ever feel like enough.
Research agrees. A 2022 Journal of Vocational Behavior study found that women with high internal self-confidence gained 64% more from mentorship programs than those who lacked it.
The support only works when the foundation is already there.
Take the Next Step
Take the Confidence Quiz here
Find out where you’re rooted—and where you’re still waiting.
Download the Free Self-Allyship Worksheet here
Use this guided tool to reconnect with your truth and reclaim your voice.
Listen to the full episode: Self-Allyship, Part 1 – Stop Waiting to Be Chosen, Start Choosing You
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