Women Empowerment: Rooted in Confidence

You Don't Need Permission to Say No: Breaking Free from People-Pleasing in Male-Dominated Industries

Women Empowerment
April 07, 2025•7 min read

You Don't Need Permission to Say No: Breaking Free from People-Pleasing in Male-Dominated Industries

By Samantha Kaye Harris
 Host of Rooted in Your Confidence

"The moment I said no for the first time, I waited all day for someone to come in and fire me. But nothing happened."

— Nadja Hagen, guest on Rooted in Your Confidence

When Nadja said those words during our conversation, it hit me deep. How many of us have sat at our desks with that same fear, that same quiet panic, for simply setting a boundary?

If you've ever stayed quiet, taken on too much, or second-guessed your worth just to keep the peace—you are not alone. This episode is for you.

You're Not Too Much—You've Just Been Carrying Too Much

Nadja Hagen is a self-love coach for high-achieving women. But before that, she worked in investment banking—one of the most male-dominated spaces out there. She knows what it's like to be the only woman in the room... and how easy it is to become the version of yourself that fits, but doesn't feel like you.

"I was pretty relaxed in my chair, listening to everything and looking around at all the participants. And then it was like... Gosh, I'm the only woman in this room! Wow, that was a light bulb moment," Nadja shared.

While she initially felt comfortable in this environment, everything changed when she became a mother. Suddenly, her priorities shifted, and she found herself landing more in what she calls her "feminine area of life," where emotions, empathy, and true connection became more important.

We talked about:

  • Why women are praised for overworking and punished for setting limits

  • The guilt that comes with wanting more time for yourself or your family

  • How to say no without fear—and mean it

  • Reclaiming your identity when the title, the paycheck, or the approval disappears

That Moment You Realize: "I Don't Know Who I Am Without This Job"

Nadja's story of being fired at 28, losing everything, and moving back in with her parents reminded me of something I see all the time in my coaching practice.

"I noticed that I had identified so much with my job, with who I was in the corporate world, with being a career woman, that I didn't have a clue who I was outside of this or in addition to this," Nadja reflected. "I was the prime example of a people pleaser."

So many women are running on fear. Fear of being let go. Fear of being labeled "difficult." Fear that if we slow down, we'll lose everything we've worked for.

But what happens when you get lost in the process?

What happens when you wake up one day and realize... You don't recognize the woman in the mirror anymore?

That's when real confidence work begins.

Setting Boundaries Without Burning Bridges

One of the most valuable insights Nadja shared was about setting boundaries without being labeled as difficult or uncooperative. The key? It's all in how you communicate.

Rather than saying a harsh "No, I can't take on another project," Nadja suggests a more collaborative approach:

"I would love to take on this new project, but I'm already handling projects A, B, and C. Let me know what has the highest priority, and we'll rearrange the pipeline."

It's not loud. It's not rude. It's leadership.

You don't need to apologize for being full. You just need to believe that you matter too.

Try This Today: Start with Small Boundaries

Nadja shared how she trained herself to say no like she was in a bootcamp. She started with small requests—"Can you stay late today?"—and practiced responding with boundaries.

"The first time I did this, I was sitting at my desk and I was worried. I was like, somebody will come into my office being furious and gonna tell me I'm fired," she admitted. "And I was waiting for this the whole day and nothing happened."

This practice helped her realize that people were generally okay with her saying no when done appropriately. It also freed up bandwidth in her life, allowing her to direct her energy toward projects and goals that truly mattered to her.

Self-Love Isn't Just a Buzzword—It's Strategy

Nadja and I agree: self-love isn't soft. It's structured. It's a choice.

What does embodying self-love look like on a practical, day-to-day level? Nadja breaks it down:

  1. It's parking farther away to get a walk in before your shift—Basic self-care doesn't have to be time-consuming. Drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, and incorporating movement into your day.

  2. It's reflecting on what lights you up—and what drains you—Carving out time to check in with yourself about what's aligned with your values and what isn't.

  3. It's asking yourself: does this align with my values, or is this just people-pleasing in disguise?—Finding the courage to make small changes based on your reflections.

Reframing Failure as Learning

A powerful mindset shift Nadja discussed was reframing failure as an essential part of growth. She observed how children naturally embrace this process without making failures mean something about their worth or abilities.

"When I look at my nearly five-year-old daughter, she's failing all over the time. She's cutting some paper and she's missing the line. But that doesn't stop her in any way to do it again and again until she has mastered it," Nadja noted. "Because she doesn't make it mean something about her capabilities and abilities."

As adults, especially women in competitive environments, we often interpret failure as evidence of our inadequacy rather than as a natural part of learning and growth.

A Client Story That Brought Us Both to Tears

One of Nadja's clients—a high-level woman in finance—realized she didn't want to spend her mornings saying goodbye to her kids in tears. She had the money, the title, the "success." But it didn't feel like success to her.

She gave herself permission to start again. She studied psychology. She built a life around her values. Now, she's still ambitious—but she's aligned.

And you can be too.

"You are allowed to want what you want." — Nadja Hagen

Creating Your Support Network

Having supportive relationships—both personal and professional—is crucial for women in male-dominated industries. Nadja emphasizes the importance of having people who believe in you during difficult times.

"Having somebody in your corner, a friend, a partner, a parent, whoever it is, who is patting your back and saying, 'You got this. I believe in you.' This is the medicine that can make the difference between giving up in our times and gracefully growing through them," she explained.

Professionally, we need allies who will recommend us and praise our work, especially when we're not in the room. Building these connections might require showing some professional vulnerability, but it enables truly connected relationships even in a work environment.

Final Thoughts: You Don't Need Anyone's Permission

This conversation reminded me that real confidence is quiet. It's not about being loud or proving yourself. It's about knowing yourself—really knowing—and honoring that woman every day, even in hard environments.

Nadja's closing message resonated deeply: "The world needs you."

She emphasized that women often bring a different approach to leadership—one that considers the overall consequences and relationships. This approach is increasingly recognized as a significant success factor in business.

So let me say this to you, in case you've forgotten:

You don't need permission to speak up.
You don't need permission to rest.
You don't need permission to be yourself.
You already are enough.

Let's Keep This Work Going

If this spoke to you, here are three powerful next steps:

Rooted in Your Confidence is more than a podcast.
It's a movement.
And I'm so glad you're a part of it.


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